How to find lesbian bars and queer women's spaces

Why lesbian bars are rarer, and why that is not the whole story

Walk through most gayborhoods and you will count the bars for men on both hands and the bars for women on one, sometimes on none. There are many reasons. Women have historically had less disposable income and less safe access to nightlife, lesbian and bi women's spaces often ran on volunteer energy rather than investment, rents rose, and many of the women who built them aged out of running bars before a new generation could take over.

But the scarcity of permanent bars hides something important. Queer women's and non-binary life did not disappear. It moved into monthly nights, sports pitches, bookshops, kitchens and collectives. Once you know where to look, it is far bigger than the number of neon signs suggests.

Start with the permanent spots

Where a lesbian bar does exist, go. These places survive because people turn up on a quiet Tuesday as well as on Pride weekend. Many have become mixed queer venues with a women-led crowd rather than women-only rooms, which usually means a relaxed, chatty atmosphere and a bartender who knows every other event in town. Our city guide lists the queer bars and cafés in each city we cover, and a few minutes of searching will usually show which ones are women-led or women-focused.

Queer bookshops and cafés are the daytime version. They are where the flyers for everything else live, and the people behind the counter are the best source of local knowledge you will find.

Look for the nights inside mixed venues

The biggest shift of recent decades is that queer women's nightlife has moved from permanent bars to recurring nights. A monthly party for women, trans and non-binary people in a club that is straight the rest of the week. A fortnightly quiz in the back room of a gay pub. A sapphic film night at an arts centre. The venue is borrowed; the community is not.

• Follow the collectives rather than the venues. The night moves; the organisers stay the same.
• Read who the night is for. The wording varies from city to city, and "everyone welcome" nights with a women-led crowd are often just as good as women-only ones.
• Go to the early part. The first hour of a monthly night is the friendliest, before the dance floor takes over.
• Ask the door staff or the DJ what else they run. Collectives usually have a daytime arm too.

Sports leagues, book clubs and collectives

A lot of queer women's community has never been about bars at all. Sports leagues in particular have been a backbone of lesbian and bi social life for generations, from football and softball to climbing, running and roller derby. You do not need to be good. You need to turn up for the second session.

• Queer and women's sports teams and run clubs, often with a social afterwards that matters more than the score. Our guide to queer sports clubs and run groups explains how to walk in.
• Book clubs, writing groups and film clubs run by queer bookshops, libraries and community centres.
• Choirs, crafting circles, hiking groups and board game nights, which tend to be mixed-age and very easy to join alone.
• Collectives and community groups that organise everything from protests to picnics. Volunteering for one is the fastest way into a city's queer women's scene.
• Identity-specific groups: queer women of colour, older lesbians, bi and pan groups, trans women's and non-binary meetups, queer mothers.

Using city guides and asking locals

If you are new in town or travelling, start with a guide, then ask. Our city guide gives you the neighbourhoods and the permanent venues. From there, one conversation with a bartender, a bookseller or someone at a community centre will usually get you the current nights, because that information changes faster than any website. If you are nervous about walking into a venue for the first time, our guide to your first time at a gay bar applies just as well to a lesbian bar.

Etiquette in women's and non-binary spaces

• Read who the space is for and respect it. If a night is for women, trans and non-binary people, that is who should be there. Trans women are women, at the door and inside.
• Allies and partners: if you are a man invited along, be a guest. Take up less room, buy a round, and do not make the night about you.
• Ask before you touch anyone and take a short answer as the answer. The rules of consent do not relax because the crowd is women.
• Do not assume anyone's identity, orientation or pronouns from how they look. Use the names and pronouns people give you.
• No photos of strangers. Not everyone is out everywhere.
• Tip the performers, thank the organisers, and come back. These spaces live on repeat attendance.

Finding your people

Queer women's and non-binary community rewards a little patience. Pick one regular thing, go three times before you decide, and talk to the organisers. The night you find on your third try often becomes the centre of your week.

Waimz™ shows LGBTQ+ friendly places, communities and people near you, including the daytime spots and the groups that never show up on a map of bars. Read more in our FAQ.