Where to meet queer women and sapphic friends

Why it can feel harder than it should

Lesbian bars are rare, many queer nights are aimed at gay men, and a lot of sapphic social life happens in small groups that are easy to miss. If you have ever felt you were the only queer woman in town, you are almost certainly not. The community is there. It is just more spread out.

The answer is to look in more than one place: regular nights, interest groups, community spaces and apps that help you see who and what is nearby.

Places to look in real life

• Monthly queer women's and sapphic nights. Many cities have a party or social that runs once a month at a bar that is not queer the rest of the week. Our guide on finding lesbian bars and queer women's spaces explains how to track them down.
• LGBTQ+ community centres. Ask about women's and non-binary social groups, book clubs and volunteer evenings.
• Sports leagues and run clubs. Queer football, softball, roller derby, climbing and running groups are some of the easiest places to make friends. See queer sports clubs and run groups.
• Queer bookshops, zine fairs and art spaces. Readings and launches attract people who want to talk.
• Daytime events. Markets, brunches, picnics and Pride committees are often calmer than late nights and good for a first hello.

Online, without the endless scrolling

Apps and group chats work best as a bridge to real life. Look for spaces where you can say hi to someone nearby, join a group around an interest, and find out where people are actually going this week.

On Waimz you can switch dating off and use it for friends and community, or keep it on and start the chat yourself when someone catches your eye. Places shows queer-friendly bars, cafés and events near you.

Making the first hello easier

• Go with a plan for one conversation, not ten.
• Ask about the thing you are both there for: the book, the game, the band.
• Suggest a low-key next step, such as coffee or the next meetup.
• If you are new to the scene, say so. People are usually kind to newcomers.
• For online openers, read how to write a first message that gets a reply.

If you cannot find a group, start one

If your city does not have the sapphic book club, run club or games night you want, it may be waiting for you to host it. Our guide to hosting a queer meetup covers formats, venues and safety.

Stay safe and be yourself

Meet new people in public first, tell a friend where you are going, and trust your instincts. Our dating safety tips apply to new friendships too.